I Wanna Talk About Me!
Why We Personalize Significant Events
As so many others did, I gasped when I saw the image of Notre Dame, the majestic cathedral in Paris, in flames yesterday. As a teenager, I looked up at those rose windows and buttresses and stood in awe of the wonder of what humans could do if they put their minds to it. It is a sacred space in a world where we don’t always hold reverence dear. As it burned, social media also lit up. People took to Twitter and Facebook to share their stories and send their condolences. Then the backlash began.
People assured us that Notre Dame would be rebuilt; those people were then attacked for minimizing the event. People talked about the resiliency of the French people. They were dismissed for not recognizing the magnitude. But one big thing kept happening over and over: people shared their own personal experiences and photos of Notre Dame and its majesty. They were accused of making it all about them. What an interesting theme.
Of course we make tragedy about ourselves; it is how we, as humans, cope with it. Discuss the Kennedy assassination with Baby Boomers; they have a crystal clear memory of that day and what it meant to them. Bring up 9/11 to a group of 30-to-40 somethings; they’ll tell you exactly where they were and how they felt. When someone dies, we rush to tell our own stories of loss as if to commiserate. A deadly storm brings people together to tell their own experiences with nature. A majestic cathedral suffers an immeasurable loss with a fire? We want to tell about its glory and our experiences with it.
Telling our stories makes it more personal; it connects us to the event and gives it more meaning. Without that meaning, it’s just another event. Another tragedy in a sea of others. But with that connection? We feel a sense of loss intertwined with a sense of purpose.
In sociology, we often discuss the “function” of tragedy and terrible things that happen. While they are awful, they do serve a purpose. They bring people together. Take the aforementioned September 11, 2001: for just a bit, we were together as one. When a hurricane or flood strikes, we bond together as a community. A mass shooting? We find ways to cope with the loss and hold each other up. Over and over again, tragic events become a type of glue that bonds us.
We live in a mass-consumption society; we all feel like we experience everything because of the internet and television. At one time in our human history, pain and shock were only felt by the one community; now, everyone sees it unfolding in real time. We all feel scared and a sense of protection over the people we love. We don’t want anyone to go through a tragedy. We also feel an innate need to connect and tell our stories together. That bonds us even more.
It is in times of tragedy that we stop being so polarized; we mourn and share our pain. There are dissenting voices, of course. There always are. But, in a way, tragedy creates in us an understanding, an empathy, and a drive to be better, even if being better means talking about ourselves. We all want connection; that’s our way of getting it.
The question becomes: how can we engender this feeling without a tragic event? The answer could lead us to less of a polarized climate. For now, we mourn together and share our stories. It’s the way we cope.
