Masculinity and Fatherhood
As the presidential race reaches its fevered pitch, a new line of attack has emerged from the right: Joe Biden as a father. It’s a strange thing to watch because one of the hallmarks of Biden’s 40+ years in public service has been that he’s a good dad. He emerged from remarkable pain and suffering and did the work to be a good single father. We have all heard the stories of his commute from D.C. to Delaware each day and night; he simply couldn’t leave his boys when they needed him most. It’s part of the “Joe from Scranton” legend.
However, politics being what it is, there has to be something that can be covered in mud and slung in all directions. The public learned last year of a plot to get dirt on Joe Biden that involved his son, Hunter. Whispers of Russian influence and pressure on a Ukrainian president emerged; the president, if we’ve forgotten in the 100 years that are 2020, was impeached for this. The whole goal of the Ukraine scandal was to link Hunter Biden (and his dad) to corruption. And, thus, these attacks were born last year and came of age this fall.
An odd, seemingly implausible story emerged about Hunter Biden, some laptops, a legally blind computer repairman, and Rudy Giuliani. The media treated it with a healthy dose of skepticism because so many details couldn’t be corroborated, but it seems that materials from the younger Biden’s files have been obtained. The Trump campaign and its surrogates have rushed to release anything that seems suspicious or problematic. Never mind that this is likely a hack of a recovering addict’s private computer; release it all!
First, text messages between the elder and younger Bidens were released; they appear to show a troubled son and a loving father. Anyone who has ever loved an addict can see the pain and truth in those texts. Additionally, a photo of Joe and Hunter was released; the stark, black and white image shows Joe kissing Hunter’s face while they embrace in a hug. One of the Trump surrogates tweeted it out with the message: “Does this look like an appropriate father/son interaction to you?”.
A line like this makes spidey senses of a sociologist begin to tingle. In sociology, we often refer to the concept of hegemonic masculinity. It’s the idea that men are dominant in our society, and their dominance is so complete that it is not noticed by most of society. It’s “normal” and “natural” for men to be this way. The sociologist, Erving Goffman, embodied this masculinity in an ideal: “married, white, urban, northern, heterosexual, Protestant, father, of college education, fully employed, of good complexion, weight and height, and decent record in sports”. While some of those descriptors might have shifted over time, this hegemonic masculine ideal is still as relevant in 2020 as it was when Goffman said these words in 1963. The social construction of masculinity is quite powerful, especially in U.S. society.
In many ways, Donald Trump tries to embody this social construction; I often hear him referred to as a “man’s man”; he says what he believes. He interrupts when he needs to. Affection is not something we see from him very often. His refusal to wear a mask in a pandemic is part of this ideal; he often mocks Biden for being weak. His team accuses Biden of “hiding in his basement” and being afraid. They are seemingly one step away from calling him a “sissy”. Trump likes to cast himself as the opposite. Even in the midst of a very serious illness, he lumbered out of the hospital and up the stairs to the balcony of the White House to rip off his mask. The world could see his “toughness” that way.
I am sure many people see their dad in Trump’s ideal. I certainly do. My dad died in early 2018, but he was a Trump guy all the way. Even the way he said “Trump” was distinct; there was an emphasis on the word like it was, somehow, tougher than the other words. My dad was a carpenter and a fisherman; he was a “man’s man”. He was gruff and often aloof. He signed birthday cards with “love ya” not “I love you”. Hugs felt a little stiff from him. We never talked about hegemonic masculinity or feminism; he would have thrown them out as “pure BS”. I am certain of that. He often said what he thought, and I don’t even think he realized the trampled feelings he sometimes left in his wake. I will never forget a meme he posted that said the words, “all liberals are stupid”; at first, it hurt my feelings. It felt like a personal attack. But I realize now he wasn’t going out of his way to hurt me, his liberal-leaning daughter. It simply hadn’t occurred to him that it would hurt me. That indifference is part of the ideal.
Contrast that with Joe Biden. Biden is clearly affectionate with his family. We all know people like this in our own lives. They get their energy from people. They love deeply and unconditionally. They tell you how much they love you so you never walk away from them feeling confused or unsure. They have an immense empathy that can sometimes be paralyzing because they never want to hurt someone. They can be careless with their hearts, but they don’t regret that. In Biden, we see this in the text exchanges with his son, the loving photo, and, frankly, the public interactions. He lends an ear, he always has a smile, and he looks people in the eye and tells them they matter. There’s no reason to be “tough” with people because that isn’t what the moment calls for right now.
In many ways, Biden fits the mold of the hegemonic masculine ideal. The aviators. The grin. The beautiful wife. The military son. These are all parts of it. But in so many other ways, he doesn’t. When a man doesn’t meet the ideal, he is often ridiculed. We see that right now. Trump surrogates, even Trump’s own sons, have mocked Biden’s behavior as “wrong” or “abnormal”. I wonder if their dads were more like mine. Standoffish. Gruff. A strong handshake instead of a hug. A cleared throat if the moment got too deep. The contrast is quite clear.
With a pandemic that has killed over 200,000 Americans, an economy that is on life support, and a seemingly endless degree of suffering, perhaps an empathetic, kind, decent person is exactly what we need, ideal be damned.
